Legacy

June 17th, 2007
Family, Marriage

My wedding band is special. It’s gold, of course–yellow gold, about 8 mm wide. No stones–I wasn’t interested starting a marriage in debt. (My roommate’s ring came with monthly payments, which struck me as ridiculous. Reed claims this is one reason why he married me.) I like its plainness, its classy simplicity. But I love my ring for this reason: it was made from the gold of my father’s wedding band.

My parents divorced when I was five; each of them remarried a year or so later. I’m not sure why my mother ended up with her ex-husband’s wedding ring–I imagine my father had no interest in this token of their unhappy union. But she saved it, along with the white gold bands of her wedding set. And when I became engaged, she offered these mementos to me.

Reed was thrilled by the economy of it all (he paid less than $100 to have the precious metal melted down and recast: yellow gold for my ring, white gold for his.) And I was thrilled by the symbolism. I did not want to repeat the disaster that was my parents’ marriage, of course, but I was hopeful that I could take the raw materials of my past and make something new, something good.

Fifteen years have passed. For Reed and I they’ve been difficult years, in some ways. Even though both of us have been committed to marriage since our wedding day, it took us a dozen years to figure out that we really, really wanted to be married to each other (big difference). But we know this now, and life is sweet.

I just called my father to wish him a happy Father’s Day. We don’t speak very often–a few times a year, usually, unless there’s some crisis afoot in the family. Like my marriage relationship, my past relationship with my father has been difficult in some respects. His personal weaknesses have hurt me, at times a great deal. But I love him. Perhaps the greatest evidence of this is that I married someone very much like him.

On this Father’s Day I am grateful for the love of my husband and father. I’m grateful that I have learned to love them without reservation. And I am grateful to wear a constant reminder of them both, shining with soft luster on my ring finger.

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